Across the Street

Across the street from the playoff party is a shoddy college dormitory where the NFC currently resides. In it, fierce battles of Dungeons & Dragons are played out, while untrue tales of passionate going-ons with pretty girls are told and large amounts of diet colas are ingested. Most in attendance at this sad and pathetic venue would rather be across the street where there really are girls and even booze. But, alas, they have to face the fact that they just aren’t cool enough. If only one or two of them could pull free from the American Gladiators reruns and the real-time computer gaming, they might be noticed by the vivacious crowd partying on the lawn across the street.

The king of the nerds, NYG, suffered what appeared to be an asthma attack mid-move in a tight game of Stratego. It rushed out of the dorm room, not even bothering to shut the door. The next most respectable geek present was the Panthers, but they lost credibility when moms called to complain about curfew and bath-time and such. Red-faced, they too rushed from the sober gathering, scooped up their Yugio cards and cursed at everyone as they exited.

The only two left were Arizona and Philly and they just stared at each other a while, unsure of what to do next. They looked out of the window, saw the party going on, and thought of at least going outside to get a better look. The AFC party noticed these sad little teams peering at them from across the road, and decided to invite them over.

“Oh, no,” said the Steelers. “They’ll ruin our rep. What if we were actually seen with those two? We might not be invited back.”

“How about just one of them, then,” suggested Baltimore, eager to freak out someone new.

“Alright, but they have to fight for it,” the Steelers allowed.

And there you have it.

The Eagles have been to a party like this before and it didn’t go very well for them. They had a hard time getting over being thrown into the swimming pool by the Patriots a few years back. The Cardinals have never had a sniff at action like this, and they can’t wait to run blindly into ridicule and make an ass of themselves as soon as possible. They’ll do anything at this point to be noticed. A team like that is desperate, and therefore dangerous. It’s hard to predict how a team like that might behave.

Still, the Eagles know what it takes to make the trip. They’re surprised to be in the situation they find themselves in, but there’s no point of questioning why; just go with it, they remind themselves. Don’t worry about what happened last time. Who knows, you might just have a little fun.

The strength of the Cardinals is their vertical passing game – a baby can see that. They have the ability to produce points in bunches and can apply a knockout score earlier than most teams in the league. The problem is, Philly has a tremendous (and very expensive) secondary to handle exactly this kind of nuisance. Arizona isn’t a scarey running team, and that front seven of the Eagle defense has shown it’s not going to wilt just because the experts think they should. One slip up by that grey-bearded fox, Kurt Warner, and tears will rain down upon that vast and arid dessert.

Conversely, McNabb too needs to be more careful than spectacular. The Arizona defense is less of a brute than was NYG, and Westbrook should find a few more cracks to run through than he managed last week. Do that, Mr. Westbrook, and your Eagle offense should gain enough momentum to roll out of the Southwest with a win. The world should agree that Andy Reid’s playoff beard has been a worthwhile endeavor and deserves one more week of untidy shagginess.

Go ahead and cross the street, Philadelphia. Maybe they’ll let you drink from the keg.

Eagles 31, Cardinals 27



Mojokong – misplaced.