Head Coach

Head Coach
Category: Sports


When the season began I wrote that if the Bengals had Palmer the entire season then they would easily go 12-4. I even italicized the word easily. I also went 4-9 in my weekly predictions before just giving up altogether at the end. Point is, I obviously am no real expert. Maybe I underestimated the effect arrests have on a team, and injuries cropped up in some strange places, but who really could figure out this enigmatic, crossword puzzle of a football team? Not even the All Mighty Marvin could lasso in these wild beasts. So what's the first off-season move Marv makes to correct things? He signs an undrafted linebacker who spent 300 days in jail in'04 and kicked off his college team in '05.

Marvin's in game management is just bad. Every coach can be second guessed every week but I don't think our brain trust has a keen perception of how the game flows. Our philosophy is a staunch, rigid series of conservative decision making like that of a computer who generates the simulated optimal outcome of every situation without factoring human instinct into it's equation. Basically, they play the game like it's Madden.

The players have been ill prepared for the last three weeks. What do they do in practice? It's like the players don't really know each other. I think it's the 'do your job' mantra that has worked maybe too well. Players are able to do their jobs without being on the same page with each other. It's micro-managing gone awry. The collective goal mentality is instrumental toward actually achieving them and nothing reinforces a collective goal than simply knowing your teammates. That's what's gone out of sports in general. Teams are composed of wanna-be rap stars who enjoy their personal convoy of flunkies over the equally huge egos of their teammates who likely have their own convoy and so on. Maybe if someone could develop more of a team unity mentality, then the players might work harder and try more to make it work. Not for yourself, not for your coach, but for 'the team'. The Bengals don't know that shit, and it's because the entire Bengal representation, from the players, to the coaches, to the fans, to the media, don't know how to handle being a good team yet. We're all still growing into NFL maturation, I guess.

Here's a crazy idea. Make Rich Braham head coach. What really does a head coach do that Rich Braham couldn't?
"It's fourth down, coach. What do we do?"
"Go for it."
That's all. Do your interviews, get in players faces, and tell you're coordinators what that huge, Rich Braham gut is telling you. He's a Bengal lifer, he has the players respect already, and he's always talked about for his smarts. Put Marv in the GM box, and even let him be heavily influential in the defensive scheme. Bresnahan is his puppet anyway. Bratkowski and Braham surely know each other, well. Better than Marvin I'd bet, and Braham can see things that nobody but a center can see. The more I type this out, the more it sounds plausible. I can see Braham getting in people's faces and that's what we need. He's a gritty guy who has played with more skill and toughness than athleticism and I can see that translating into some physical practices. With Marvin we have loads of soft talent. We need someone to bake that talent into a rock to smash the Steelers faces with. I hate the fucking Steelers. Rich Braham for Head Coach. I'm bein' for real.

Mojokong - I mean it. Richie