Locking Us Out

Baltimore just wants to get this thing over with. They have important business to tend to, like scrapping their way to a divisional title. The Ravens host Washington and then Pittsburgh after they clear the Bengals from their path. They’d like nothing more than to come into Cincinnati, put a quick sleeper hold on the Bengals, then jump back on the plane to prepare for real football teams. If our boys have anything going for them this weekend, it’s that Baltimore really doesn’t want to be here.

The Steelers took all the fun out of that three week undefeated streak - a win, a bye and a tie - and now we can again feel that icy draft of misery we experience when our team leaves the door open. The reality of a two or three win season is taking shape once again. After the most loyal of us thought we’d gained some footing, the free-fall seems to have returned. Bummer.

No, you say? Still have hope, faith and good spirits about what’s going on at that Rumpke heap of smelly football debris piled along the riverbanks? Well then, there’s this.

Jonathan Joseph became the 13th Bengal to go on injured reserve, our defensive end situation looks like a scene from MASH, and the offensive line is still trying to learn to survive. Our offense drives like a Yugo with a busted transmission, the rushing attack was inspired by My First Running Play by Playskool ® (one of Brat’s favorite childhood toys), and the only reason a receiver runs more than 20 yards is for exercise. Honestly, I don’t know why we bother.

And if all of that wasn’t enough to make a fan get silly with dangerous drugs or firearms, there’s Carson threatening to have surgery after all. He’s spent the last two months slowly allowing the possibility of surgery to seep into his Bengalitis-ridden cranium, and now he says if he isn’t ready to go by December 7th, he’s going under.

You know what that means, of course? It means that he won’t be 100 percent by training camp. We’ll be overprotective of him during the preseason, he won’t get that precious timing with the receivers that he’s always going on about, and the Bengals will suffer through yet another bad start to the season. And all will once again, be lost before it begins. It’s as if the organization purposefully embeds excuses into their misguided decisions. Like a blank doctor’s excuse that can be used whenever the water gets too hot.

If the Bengals seriously draft a wide receiver after Housh signs with Seattle or some other team next year, I will quit following this team.

Ravens 19, Bengals 8

Mojokong - I took that picture with my phone.